We need to be OK that it’s OK to not be OK!!
“Less showreel and a lot more real reel” — #YazzyG
I shared a ‘real reel’ post this week in the school parents Facebook page…..the group where parents in the ‘Cohort of 2024 Graduates’ connect and communicate together. Most of the conversations are about school updates, sporting pictures, the occasional uniform request and general community connection.
For context, our 14yo daughter is not OK….she’s suffered for years with mental illness, something we identified as a risk when she was very young. She recently spent time in hospital, admitted after an acute diagnosis. (there’s a whole future article I will write about the support for adolescents in Queensland hospitals….OMGoodness, did I learn a lot!)
There’s much to say, many things to share and a lot of lived experiences to reflect and learn from.
Today though, it’s one small step towards being comfortable in the uncomfortable, by sharing authentically some of the challenges our young people are experiencing, and being a voice and champion to shift the conversation, trigger communication and mobilise the need for connection, not just for our daughter, but for others too…
This quote from Glenn Close sums it up perfectly.
I am unashamed!
I won’t lie…it hurts to know that if our daughter was terminally ill with cancer, she would more likely have had an abundance of school friends knocking at her door to help her live a life filled with love and experiences. Friends would sit with her while she underwent chemotherapy, they would bake cupcakes, cry with her regularly and even lay beside her in silence to ensure she felt deep love and connection while living with an illness.
Parents too would likely go above and beyond to help us and our family. But there’s a sense of vacancy, a feeling of disconnection and a general experience of discomfort around families when the illness is a mental one.
I genuinely believe that people want to help, but just don’t know where (or how) to start. I’m writing this to encourage everyone to help in the same way you would if a friend was diagnosed with a terminal illness, or even if they ended up in hospital for surgery on a broken leg.
Mental illness is HARD! Trust me I know…particularly after seeing (and standing by) my husband when he was acutely diagnosed back in 2018.
It can have those suffering, feel uncomfortable, ashamed, lost, alone and misunderstood.
So today…I stepped out of my comfort zone and shared a post in the Parents Facey Group. I know the vast majority won’t comment, but I know they will see it, I hope that they feel it and I truly do want their experience reading my words, to have an impact that helps them understand just a little bit more, how isolated and alone young people feel when they are suffering from and diagnosed with what is sadly for many, a terminal illness.
Here are the words I wrote…..
In a demonstration of moderate discomfort and great risk of making others uncomfortable, I am sharing some words that need to be spoken.
I want to start by saying a BIG thank you….
Firstly to the 3x young girls who themselves stepped out of their comfort zone, to alert professionals of the feelings our daughter was feeling.
Secondly, after one of the most challenging experiences a family can go through, I want to say a VERY special thank you to the 2 parents that reached out proactively to our family to make sure we were OK. Your genuine concern and care during this time, is a demonstration of selfless love and authentic care.
As it is now widely known by the entire Year 8 cohort, our incredible daughter has not been ok and was consequently hospitalised due to her illness. It had an impact on each and every one of us, including some of you and your girls.
Her illness is largely invisible and has been something she has lived with for much of her life. When it all became too much recently, our family was shattered, our lives were jolted and we experienced something I hope no family ever needs to go through.
I have much to say (and will in time), not at all in the negative, but in a manner I hope that our lived experience can one day can help another family come through this as we have, in tact, in love and united.
I’m sharing the Glenn Close quote, which I hope can provide some light to each of you and your families during this reflective and festive time.
“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candour, and more unashamed conversation.” Glenn Close
It’s OK to not be OK!!
What may also be helpful to know is this:
The isolation in the mind of a young person living with a mental illness, can be enough to send them over the edge. Much like cancer, we cannot see it, but we can treat it.
If our daughter was diagnosed with a different type of illness (one we were all more familiar and comfortable with), things would likely be quite different.
So I ask you all this…..
As you and your daughters make plans for the break, including social catch ups, shopping dates, movie trips, ice-cream or just a simple good old ‘play date’, please understand that young people with anxiety will never ever initiate or instigate or ask to come along to these things. If your daughter is friends with our daughter, please consider inviting her along…..and if she says no to the invitation, try a little persistence to her resistance.
This resource may be helpful for you and your daughter to read together: https://www.nicolamorgan.com/blog-archive/how-can-teenagers-help-a-friend-with-mental-illness/
Since posting this message, it did result in some parents reaching out. What also made me smile, was seeing our daughter engaging in connection and conversation with some friends of old….girls she had lost contact with (and likely inadvertently pushed away).
This is exactly the treatment the Psychiatrist recommended for our daughter…..to spend more time with friends during the holiday period.
“Let us all live a little less showreel and a lot more real reel” — #YazzyG
